"hey, I'll meet you there."
"No, come pick me up."
"Fine be ready." she's never ready.
"Are you bringing Anthony?"
"Nope, what little boy wants to hand out at the laundry mat?"
"Well I'M gonna see if Fern will watch Canela while we do this."
"Be ready. I gotta say my byes and grab my purse, you have 10 minutes."
End Button. If I don't let her respond, it will put her in full gear. I got the last load in the truck already. I walk into Antony's room. "Mijo, ya me voy." He looks away from the movie long enough to say, "okay mami, I love you" Hugs my legs and offers a kiss. And I except. "Mijo, Papi is in the garage, if you need something."
"Okiay, Mami" he says.
I walk out to the garage, He is tinkering with someething under the hood, playing mechanic. I still believe he doesn't know what he is doing. I stop and annouce. "I'm leaving, I gotta go pick up Jade and than to do laundry, I'll be back to make dinner, shouldn't take me long." He looked up at me, " Okay and mijo?"
"He's in his room, I just came from there, I told him you were in here."
"We'll be here, unless we make a trip to AutoMAX. Love you."
"Me, too." I slam the door of the truck. I turn the key, check my mirrors and I am out.
It's not early but it's not late. If we wanted to we could still stop by the bank for quarters. But this girl, you can give advance advance notice or spur of moment, she's gonna be late. She just runs to life, sometimes.
BEEP. Her head pops our from behind the screen door. "you know damn well, I'm not ready." "I know, I turned off the truck off, when I parked." I walk into the house, say my hellos to Fern. I see the 2 baskets in the living room, I know my job to get her out faster. She is walking around the house for the final sweep of her house. Ghe's got a pair of socks, pj's and other whatnots. She is trying to convince Fern we will not take long. "Are you almost ready, we just have one stoop to dollar store for soap and than to the laundy mat." I grab the second basket and wait outside. I left them whispering in the kitchen. Holding a small ball of clothes in one arm and touching his forearm with the other one. He is looks like he is pouting. He's just older than her but it's like she is raising a 2 year old little girl and a teen in a grown man's body. I'm outside checkin gmy phone for missed calla. Sonmtimes if I'm not 2 ring on the spot, I feel interigated, the questoon? Jade makes it out of the house a little earlier than I expected. She jumps in the passanger side, throws the clothes in the back, digs through her purse and finds her smokes. " I SWEAR " with a big loud HUFF. She can be loud, well when she's fustrated.
"We're dumb. what the hell is wrong with us? And we really do have to stop at dollar store and then coffee." I say.
She rolls her eyes< "I don't believe you."
"okay, fine believe. I have house, child, a man and car. i got everything, my heart says other wise and sex is diminsitioning."
"Well I don't belive you."
"well, I don't believe you."
We park at the dollar store, both spring out of the truck. We are on a mission. Our conversation consist of if we are going to share the soap cost, do we need to run by the bank for change? We get back to the truck, we pick off where I left off.
"Diministing? How about mine is non-exsistant." The last time was a couple weeks ago for our anniversary, its like he doesn't want to have sex with me."
"you win, I loose this round." I frown.
We say nothing as we pull into drive thru for the coffee shop. The girl immediately recognized Jade and starts getting her coffee ready. Jade is this coffee house number one fan. Her trips make this girls paycheck happen. So, she is not only putting herself through school, she is stimulating the local economy.
As we are leaving, we catch the begining of our favorite band, WRENCH, and the way the last conversation went we were in that kind of mood. Meloncoly. She turns it up, we sing along. I park the truck, because we were not very far fromt he laundry mat and fall into the song. It's over.
"Aaaaggghhh....I love that song." My sister assesses situation in side through there big glass windows. "Let's get this shit done."
Well you know how laundry goes, unload truck, load washers, insert quarters, add detergent, and repeat. When all the clothes are doing the bubble swish dance.
"well I thought I had more clothes." I state as I stack the laundry baskets and throw them on the top of the double loader. Grab my coffee off the top and join my sister, who is already sitting in the plastic double chair bench.
She slumps and than sits up when i join her, "our anniversary was a while back."
"I don't know what to tell you, we are moving into that catagory."
"Get this, he tried to be romantic but his idea of romance is Italian food and sex. so yeah."
I just nod, I haven't seen romance in awhile.
Than she just blurt outs, "FUCK ROMANCE, Give me PASSSIIIOOOONNN. Like grrrr. Touch me mmmmmm." As she growls she shows her teeth and her fingers like claws running down a back, a man's back, sweating from their sex.
"YES!" I cross my legs and start swinging my leg. I bring the coffee cup close to my mouth to drink. My mind begins to wonder, I fix my eyes on the dryer ahead of me. She gets up and goes outta site.
I recently had an encounter of this PASSION, she craves. We had to be quite. My spine curves towards him as he touches me. His hand rubs me from my shoulder blade, down my side, a stop and grab at my ass and to my thigh. Where he grabs, moves it and gets between my legs. This man arouses me. Our kiss is full of lust and desire. I can feel his muscles flex as he moves. We are interwined, it just feels right, SO RIGHT. My legs locked at my ankles around him. HIs neck, his colar bone, his shoulder.....oh.....Passion. Our washer buzzes and snaps me back to reality. My leg was in full swing and I realized I have a big smile on my face. I stood up and i feel a little red in the face. I start unloading and look around for my sister. She comes from behind me. "BOO" I yelp, she chuckles. "So let's get this in dryer and I need a smoke."
She's smiling. I'm stil smiling.
"really? Jade." I'm curious and nothing surprises me about this girl.
"AAAA YEAH! I'm not getting it at home, I can do it myself." We are both still smiling.
"Well, I wernt off to Passion land, a little more subtle. One sentence, spoke volumes."
"mmmhhmm"
The rest of the laundry didn't seem so bad. We were both smiling the rest of the time we were together, until we got back home.
Friday, June 18, 2010
Saturday, June 12, 2010
Reflecting on Pregnancies
I'm going to be 30 this year and lately I've been thinking about my past pregnancies. Maybe it's because I'm finally married and am truely in love, and with this relationship will NOT come a child. I get a little indifferent about the whole thing. What can I say?
There have been two times in my life that I 've been with child. I'm one of those girls that falls in the catagory of "I HATE BEING PREGNANT!" I have quite a few reasons why let's go ahead and list them.
1. You get Fat.
2. Stretch Marks, they suck.
3. There's about a good 4 - 5 months you can't see your feet, vagina or legs.
4. In the 3rd Trimester, you have to run to the bathroom because the urge to pee is overwhelming to sit down and hear/feel drip, drip....that's it, really. I'm not joking.
5. Can't get comfortable in your own skin, sitting, standing, laying down. Nothing works.
6. Doctor visits. You and your OB get to really know each other with the experience always being on your back with your legs up. It's just very personal.
7. Peeing at the doctor's office, IN A DIXIE CUP. you haven't seen your vagina in weeks and they want you to pee in this tiny cup. And you wonder why you miss and pee on your damn hand! And haven't we established I'm pregnant, why pee in cup? ugh
8. The heart burn
9. Blood Test
10. Gestainal Diabetes Test good to know but telling a pregnant woman she can't eat, really?
11. BIRTH >>> ALL OF IT!
12. The pregnancy test: The initial "KNOWING" it is the worst 3 - 5 minutes for any woman, whether its a planned or surprise. It's a long wait, just ask any woman.
I hated being pregnant, I ended up giving birth to small babies 7 pounders so the rest of the 43 - 63 pounds I gained were ALL ME BABY! GROSS! I just get FAT, my ass and thighs become one as a THASS. My face looks like I am holding a cantalope in each of my cheeks, my arms get fluffy and I can't tell you if I had CANKLES because I could never see past my belly.
So, why get excited about the worse body transformation ever. This doesn't even include your hormones.
16 turning 17 and Pregnant >> Two words come to mind, Statistic & Dumb. In 1997 & 1998 I made it into the statstic manuels for all the pamplets that they give out in the free clinic to other teenagers. I was a stat for Navarro, The State of Texas under HISPANIC TEEN PREGNANT BETWEEN AGE OF 14 - 19. Just another number, let's face the fact it's true.
Dumb. Dumb teenager mentality. I know it all, no worries my parents will save me from everything, nothing is gonna happen to me and attitude. Well, I will tell you one thing, "If you don't tell anyone, than nobody can help you." I brought one of the biggest burdens to my family when I was pregnant so young. I feel horrible that my sisters had to deal with me and my hormonal teenage pregnant ass. I use to drink milk by the gallons DAILY. They would wake up go to get cereal for breakfast to have no milk. Once Jess went to the fridge and asked, "Didn't we have apples?" "We did but they gone." I said from the couch as I hid the other apple I had and tucked it under my shirt. She picked something else and came to sit with us in living room. I finished my apple, put the core down infront of me and pulled the other apple from my shirt. "crunch, snap" She turned around, my mouth full of juicy tart green apple. SHE WAS FURIOUS. I don't remember what she yelled at me, but to this day it makes me feel so bad. HOW COULD I BE SO SELFISH??? I'm sorry Jessenia.
Since I was young and didn't know what to expect, didn't do much reading on being pregnant cause I kinda cared but I didn't want to know. Ignorance is bliss. So, I just know that I did not like the changes to my body. I actually did not understand all of them either, once again uneducated. The only smart thing I did with my dumb actions to lead me to being a dumb teenager was give a family the ultimate gift of love. Something dumb, turned into something smart.
22 and Pregnant >> By now my friends were adding their new additions to their relatioships. I saw my best friend have the worst baby fever experience ever. When she finally did get pregnant, she went from vegetarian to eating ribs from a bone. By the time I was pregnant with my other son, I was too informed. I knew how the baby was growing inside, what to expect each and every month. Watched way too many birthing shows. I do believe that my two pregnancies did make my depression worse. I have gone unmedicated for so long that my depression gets severe with suicidal tendencies. During this pregnancy I was far away from my family and I had co-workers instead. Let's just say, I hated them and they hated me. I am a super bitch and everything upsets me. I would cry for everything and anything. Happy moments or sad, it didn't matter! I just know that this pregnancy affected my hormones than anything else.
Both of my pregnancies were at different times in my life. I think going on 30 you can still have children but with me, I believe it's just not going to be a good idea. I'm not a nice pregnant lady. I don't think its CUTE to walk around FAT!! I don't like sneezing and peeing a little bit either.
I just wanted to reflect some what on my pregnancies. I believe I have populated the earth with enough human being replacements. 2 boys. I'm done.
There have been two times in my life that I 've been with child. I'm one of those girls that falls in the catagory of "I HATE BEING PREGNANT!" I have quite a few reasons why let's go ahead and list them.
1. You get Fat.
2. Stretch Marks, they suck.
3. There's about a good 4 - 5 months you can't see your feet, vagina or legs.
4. In the 3rd Trimester, you have to run to the bathroom because the urge to pee is overwhelming to sit down and hear/feel drip, drip....that's it, really. I'm not joking.
5. Can't get comfortable in your own skin, sitting, standing, laying down. Nothing works.
6. Doctor visits. You and your OB get to really know each other with the experience always being on your back with your legs up. It's just very personal.
7. Peeing at the doctor's office, IN A DIXIE CUP. you haven't seen your vagina in weeks and they want you to pee in this tiny cup. And you wonder why you miss and pee on your damn hand! And haven't we established I'm pregnant, why pee in cup? ugh
8. The heart burn
9. Blood Test
10. Gestainal Diabetes Test good to know but telling a pregnant woman she can't eat, really?
11. BIRTH >>> ALL OF IT!
12. The pregnancy test: The initial "KNOWING" it is the worst 3 - 5 minutes for any woman, whether its a planned or surprise. It's a long wait, just ask any woman.
I hated being pregnant, I ended up giving birth to small babies 7 pounders so the rest of the 43 - 63 pounds I gained were ALL ME BABY! GROSS! I just get FAT, my ass and thighs become one as a THASS. My face looks like I am holding a cantalope in each of my cheeks, my arms get fluffy and I can't tell you if I had CANKLES because I could never see past my belly.
So, why get excited about the worse body transformation ever. This doesn't even include your hormones.
16 turning 17 and Pregnant >> Two words come to mind, Statistic & Dumb. In 1997 & 1998 I made it into the statstic manuels for all the pamplets that they give out in the free clinic to other teenagers. I was a stat for Navarro, The State of Texas under HISPANIC TEEN PREGNANT BETWEEN AGE OF 14 - 19. Just another number, let's face the fact it's true.
Dumb. Dumb teenager mentality. I know it all, no worries my parents will save me from everything, nothing is gonna happen to me and attitude. Well, I will tell you one thing, "If you don't tell anyone, than nobody can help you." I brought one of the biggest burdens to my family when I was pregnant so young. I feel horrible that my sisters had to deal with me and my hormonal teenage pregnant ass. I use to drink milk by the gallons DAILY. They would wake up go to get cereal for breakfast to have no milk. Once Jess went to the fridge and asked, "Didn't we have apples?" "We did but they gone." I said from the couch as I hid the other apple I had and tucked it under my shirt. She picked something else and came to sit with us in living room. I finished my apple, put the core down infront of me and pulled the other apple from my shirt. "crunch, snap" She turned around, my mouth full of juicy tart green apple. SHE WAS FURIOUS. I don't remember what she yelled at me, but to this day it makes me feel so bad. HOW COULD I BE SO SELFISH??? I'm sorry Jessenia.
Since I was young and didn't know what to expect, didn't do much reading on being pregnant cause I kinda cared but I didn't want to know. Ignorance is bliss. So, I just know that I did not like the changes to my body. I actually did not understand all of them either, once again uneducated. The only smart thing I did with my dumb actions to lead me to being a dumb teenager was give a family the ultimate gift of love. Something dumb, turned into something smart.
22 and Pregnant >> By now my friends were adding their new additions to their relatioships. I saw my best friend have the worst baby fever experience ever. When she finally did get pregnant, she went from vegetarian to eating ribs from a bone. By the time I was pregnant with my other son, I was too informed. I knew how the baby was growing inside, what to expect each and every month. Watched way too many birthing shows. I do believe that my two pregnancies did make my depression worse. I have gone unmedicated for so long that my depression gets severe with suicidal tendencies. During this pregnancy I was far away from my family and I had co-workers instead. Let's just say, I hated them and they hated me. I am a super bitch and everything upsets me. I would cry for everything and anything. Happy moments or sad, it didn't matter! I just know that this pregnancy affected my hormones than anything else.
Both of my pregnancies were at different times in my life. I think going on 30 you can still have children but with me, I believe it's just not going to be a good idea. I'm not a nice pregnant lady. I don't think its CUTE to walk around FAT!! I don't like sneezing and peeing a little bit either.
I just wanted to reflect some what on my pregnancies. I believe I have populated the earth with enough human being replacements. 2 boys. I'm done.
Thursday, June 10, 2010
Girlfriend Kind of Girl
I like my girlfriends and treasure ALL of them. I have never been one to have a lot of guy friends. I had one guy friend in college, which I wish I could find cause he never wanted in my pants just wanted my friendship. He was one of my first guy friends, I called "brother."
Girlfriends, they are super awesome. Maybe it's because I grew up with a house full of girls but I have always been a girlfriend kind of gal. Besides, if you have too many guy friends than your boyfriend/husband can get kind of jealous and who needs that shit! Than you have to explain to them that they are just friends and psssshhhhh who wants to deal with that crap.
Some of my favorite shows revolve around girlfriends and what you do for them and what they do for you. Sex and the City girls, revolutionized "girlfriends" their actions, their lives, their feelings, their love for each other and their love/hate relationship with men.
The other day I caught an episode of Desperate Housewives, and they too have a strong girlfriend bond that I related too. They banned together to tell the CUNT/SLUT on the block they were no longer gonna recognize her as a neighbor! I turned to George and said, "That's right! These BITCHES are banning together against the CUNT on the block! GIRLFRIENDS RULE!!!!"
Having girlfriends rule cause to be cheesy, if you hang out with them long enough your menstrual cycle happens at the same time. lol No that is not one of the perks to having a girlfriends, but it helps to have everyone on the same cycle cause than tampons can be bought in bulk. Ha ha ha
I just don't know about having guy friends is all, sometimes it would be cool to have them but I look at men as pigs, lets be honest. THEY WANT IN YOUR PANTS! They think about sex just as much or even more than we do. So unless you have a super fabulous gay guy friend than any other man just wants in your pants. Now I am one of those girls who attracts lesbians. I have a handful of lesbian friends that are too my girlfriends but they know I'm not gay and keep it very as friendship not pushing any boundaries. Now sexual tension amongst gay girlfriends make for good ego boost flirtation, but it's been awhile since I've had one of those fun conversations.
There is one thing about girlfriends that I have learned from my youth. Sometimes, friends take what they know about you and use it against you, now they were never true friends. And those times it makes you realize it's hard to trust someone but if you don't put yourself out there sometimes, than you will never know what true friendship is.
I am that girl who loves to have girlfriends. "BROS before HOES" this saying applys to us just as strong or even STRONGER than the boys. My girlfriends and I will forever be "soul mates" (Taken from Sex & the City) but it's true.
Girlfriends, they are super awesome. Maybe it's because I grew up with a house full of girls but I have always been a girlfriend kind of gal. Besides, if you have too many guy friends than your boyfriend/husband can get kind of jealous and who needs that shit! Than you have to explain to them that they are just friends and psssshhhhh who wants to deal with that crap.
Some of my favorite shows revolve around girlfriends and what you do for them and what they do for you. Sex and the City girls, revolutionized "girlfriends" their actions, their lives, their feelings, their love for each other and their love/hate relationship with men.
The other day I caught an episode of Desperate Housewives, and they too have a strong girlfriend bond that I related too. They banned together to tell the CUNT/SLUT on the block they were no longer gonna recognize her as a neighbor! I turned to George and said, "That's right! These BITCHES are banning together against the CUNT on the block! GIRLFRIENDS RULE!!!!"
Having girlfriends rule cause to be cheesy, if you hang out with them long enough your menstrual cycle happens at the same time. lol No that is not one of the perks to having a girlfriends, but it helps to have everyone on the same cycle cause than tampons can be bought in bulk. Ha ha ha
I just don't know about having guy friends is all, sometimes it would be cool to have them but I look at men as pigs, lets be honest. THEY WANT IN YOUR PANTS! They think about sex just as much or even more than we do. So unless you have a super fabulous gay guy friend than any other man just wants in your pants. Now I am one of those girls who attracts lesbians. I have a handful of lesbian friends that are too my girlfriends but they know I'm not gay and keep it very as friendship not pushing any boundaries. Now sexual tension amongst gay girlfriends make for good ego boost flirtation, but it's been awhile since I've had one of those fun conversations.
There is one thing about girlfriends that I have learned from my youth. Sometimes, friends take what they know about you and use it against you, now they were never true friends. And those times it makes you realize it's hard to trust someone but if you don't put yourself out there sometimes, than you will never know what true friendship is.
I am that girl who loves to have girlfriends. "BROS before HOES" this saying applys to us just as strong or even STRONGER than the boys. My girlfriends and I will forever be "soul mates" (Taken from Sex & the City) but it's true.
Tuesday, June 1, 2010
Thinking about Sharing
I have kept my blog a secret long enough. I believe I will be giving out my blog url to myspacers and facebookers very soon.
I might have to consider editing some of the past posts, because I am not always nice.
Well, it's just a thought.
I need to think of another story.
I might have to consider editing some of the past posts, because I am not always nice.
Well, it's just a thought.
I need to think of another story.
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