That is how long its been since I have had a real job. I miss having money. I miss it a lot. My own money I worked for. I have been miserable without a job. And all those folks who ride my ass about finding job ate on my last fuckin nerve. So....I am miserable and just wish I had a fucking job. Hoe
I hope my ass is good enough to be a waitress at a place where my girls and lrgs can me out of this hell called poverty. I am still very much on love but that shit dont psy bills and it sure does put a strain on my marriage. I am just sick of being the fucking loser/charity case. I would love to get pd for my short stories.but at this rate my dreams are just bullshit fantasies. Yeah....FUCK!!!!!
This is why I would rather be MISSED, then worried about. Cause so far I am not too impressed with myself and nobody else should be either. If I get anymore hateful I will be cursed with a longer life and FUCK THAT. I really needed to write. Now....if I only had the time to write a good short story. Maybe one of feelers or one of a man who kills all males that carry and bleed cursed blood. Or a pyscho bi polar bitch who kills to make a point. I love to write.
Monday, December 27, 2010
Wednesday, July 28, 2010
OWN YOUR INNER BITCH!
It clearly states on most of my Internet social profiles. I AM A BITCH. So what seems to be the problem? OHHH, can't read cause that is the only reason I see why you don't get it.
Look being a Bitch is something I OWN. All girls are bitches, it's the ones that take it too far and become CUNTS, the most hated creatures created by the human race. But that's a different conversation. I'm here to tell everyone again, to make it clear. I'M A BITCH! Just in case you missed it.
So, I'm sick of all these fucking pussies around here that can't take this Bitch's tone, than RUN to my husband like a child and complain about me! HOW OLD ARE WE? really MOTHERFUCKERS? GROW UP! If you don't like it, TELL ME. Than let the flood gates OPEN.
Now, I own my inner bitch but it does get me in trouble. I'm not gonna lie! (goes back to the snitches) It gets me in trouble cause not only am I a BITCH, I have no couth. When these two powers combine, people get butt hurt booo fucking hoooo!
But I'm not always "allowed" to voice my true feelings about shit I've observed and witnessed. I guess inside it goes back to my "know your place as a woman" and this woman just smiles and thinks evil horrible thoughts. But I'm full of fucking examples, all these examples are just that EXAMPLES! :-)
For instance, when you call MY CELL, MY father pays for, I think I can have whatever fucking TONE I want to have. Especially if you can't get the clue to leave a fucking message when i IGNORED you the first time cause I screen all my calls. ALL OF THEM, ALL THE TIME. Now you know.
Or when a certain PUTA leaves shitty voice messages, why can't I FIRMLY remind her it is my phone she is calling. PINCHE PUTA DIE!
How about the fact I have to play nice to a girl I met laying on her back. Yeah, okay. Ink sluts piss me off, and if she ever makes a pass at my husband and I find out about it. I will rip her face off and feed it to her. I don't think a counter girl is a bad idea, but I thought you said a HOT FINE ASS BITCH, not an ugly lot lizard's daughter. I thought you said "BOOBIES sell tattoos, piercings and jewelry" Well, those -A cups aren't gonna sell shit! Just calling like I see it and there ain't much to see! And why would you stick your dick in that? This is not a smart business move. PERIOD!
I'm not allowed to say anything.....oopps i just did! ta ha ha
So, if I have nothing nice to say, I don't say anything at all. But don't confuse this for fear or jealousy. I'm all over showing my MEAN BITCH side at any given time TO YOUR FUCKING FACE! So there were some examples. If I opened my non-couth mouth and let out the bitchiness, I could get in a bit of shit. I would literally make life harder for my husband and he don't need that.
I own my bitch. all of them:
Mean BITCH
Bad ass BITCH
Cool Bitch
Silly Bitch
FUCKING BITCH
list is endless!
Ladies, this world is unfortunately has and always will be run by men. Men are assholes cut throat fuckers. They do things to get where and what they want in life. You know what, being a BITCH puts us in the same level as assholes, to be honest. To play on the same field as them you must be on TEAM BITCH. If your not a bitch sometimes than others will just run your ass over. Powerful women got to were they are cause they know how to be a Bitch, a well reserved Bitch but non the less a BITCH.
This is why my closet friends are my friends. WE ARE BITCHES. We aren't afraid to open our mouths when we feel hurt, threatened, or just plain angry. We might pre judge, sometimes. But our womanly bitch intuition senses and weeds out the weak girls, a worthy adversary, or even a CUNT. Who will never be worthy of our friendship, but at least a good shit talking bitch session.
I'm tired of being on MUTE, but I understand, somethings are better left UNSAID. Unsaid to certain individuals but you can always call upon your fellow bitch friends and vent to them. For one day, you'll be listening and laughing at their bitchy comments and that's OKAY with me. It's not only okay, I welcome it.
One of my favorite quotes from Stephen King.
"Sometimes being a bitch is all a woman has to hold on to" - Vera Donovan, in Dolores Claiborne.
Written by a man, YES. But he must have been raised by a woman, who knew who she was, a BITCH. Thank you Stephen King, I applaud you.
Look being a Bitch is something I OWN. All girls are bitches, it's the ones that take it too far and become CUNTS, the most hated creatures created by the human race. But that's a different conversation. I'm here to tell everyone again, to make it clear. I'M A BITCH! Just in case you missed it.
So, I'm sick of all these fucking pussies around here that can't take this Bitch's tone, than RUN to my husband like a child and complain about me! HOW OLD ARE WE? really MOTHERFUCKERS? GROW UP! If you don't like it, TELL ME. Than let the flood gates OPEN.
Now, I own my inner bitch but it does get me in trouble. I'm not gonna lie! (goes back to the snitches) It gets me in trouble cause not only am I a BITCH, I have no couth. When these two powers combine, people get butt hurt booo fucking hoooo!
But I'm not always "allowed" to voice my true feelings about shit I've observed and witnessed. I guess inside it goes back to my "know your place as a woman" and this woman just smiles and thinks evil horrible thoughts. But I'm full of fucking examples, all these examples are just that EXAMPLES! :-)
For instance, when you call MY CELL, MY father pays for, I think I can have whatever fucking TONE I want to have. Especially if you can't get the clue to leave a fucking message when i IGNORED you the first time cause I screen all my calls. ALL OF THEM, ALL THE TIME. Now you know.
Or when a certain PUTA leaves shitty voice messages, why can't I FIRMLY remind her it is my phone she is calling. PINCHE PUTA DIE!
How about the fact I have to play nice to a girl I met laying on her back. Yeah, okay. Ink sluts piss me off, and if she ever makes a pass at my husband and I find out about it. I will rip her face off and feed it to her. I don't think a counter girl is a bad idea, but I thought you said a HOT FINE ASS BITCH, not an ugly lot lizard's daughter. I thought you said "BOOBIES sell tattoos, piercings and jewelry" Well, those -A cups aren't gonna sell shit! Just calling like I see it and there ain't much to see! And why would you stick your dick in that? This is not a smart business move. PERIOD!
I'm not allowed to say anything.....oopps i just did! ta ha ha
So, if I have nothing nice to say, I don't say anything at all. But don't confuse this for fear or jealousy. I'm all over showing my MEAN BITCH side at any given time TO YOUR FUCKING FACE! So there were some examples. If I opened my non-couth mouth and let out the bitchiness, I could get in a bit of shit. I would literally make life harder for my husband and he don't need that.
I own my bitch. all of them:
Mean BITCH
Bad ass BITCH
Cool Bitch
Silly Bitch
FUCKING BITCH
list is endless!
Ladies, this world is unfortunately has and always will be run by men. Men are assholes cut throat fuckers. They do things to get where and what they want in life. You know what, being a BITCH puts us in the same level as assholes, to be honest. To play on the same field as them you must be on TEAM BITCH. If your not a bitch sometimes than others will just run your ass over. Powerful women got to were they are cause they know how to be a Bitch, a well reserved Bitch but non the less a BITCH.
This is why my closet friends are my friends. WE ARE BITCHES. We aren't afraid to open our mouths when we feel hurt, threatened, or just plain angry. We might pre judge, sometimes. But our womanly bitch intuition senses and weeds out the weak girls, a worthy adversary, or even a CUNT. Who will never be worthy of our friendship, but at least a good shit talking bitch session.
I'm tired of being on MUTE, but I understand, somethings are better left UNSAID. Unsaid to certain individuals but you can always call upon your fellow bitch friends and vent to them. For one day, you'll be listening and laughing at their bitchy comments and that's OKAY with me. It's not only okay, I welcome it.
One of my favorite quotes from Stephen King.
"Sometimes being a bitch is all a woman has to hold on to" - Vera Donovan, in Dolores Claiborne.
Written by a man, YES. But he must have been raised by a woman, who knew who she was, a BITCH. Thank you Stephen King, I applaud you.
Friday, June 18, 2010
F*** Romance, GIve me PASSION.
"hey, I'll meet you there."
"No, come pick me up."
"Fine be ready." she's never ready.
"Are you bringing Anthony?"
"Nope, what little boy wants to hand out at the laundry mat?"
"Well I'M gonna see if Fern will watch Canela while we do this."
"Be ready. I gotta say my byes and grab my purse, you have 10 minutes."
End Button. If I don't let her respond, it will put her in full gear. I got the last load in the truck already. I walk into Antony's room. "Mijo, ya me voy." He looks away from the movie long enough to say, "okay mami, I love you" Hugs my legs and offers a kiss. And I except. "Mijo, Papi is in the garage, if you need something."
"Okiay, Mami" he says.
I walk out to the garage, He is tinkering with someething under the hood, playing mechanic. I still believe he doesn't know what he is doing. I stop and annouce. "I'm leaving, I gotta go pick up Jade and than to do laundry, I'll be back to make dinner, shouldn't take me long." He looked up at me, " Okay and mijo?"
"He's in his room, I just came from there, I told him you were in here."
"We'll be here, unless we make a trip to AutoMAX. Love you."
"Me, too." I slam the door of the truck. I turn the key, check my mirrors and I am out.
It's not early but it's not late. If we wanted to we could still stop by the bank for quarters. But this girl, you can give advance advance notice or spur of moment, she's gonna be late. She just runs to life, sometimes.
BEEP. Her head pops our from behind the screen door. "you know damn well, I'm not ready." "I know, I turned off the truck off, when I parked." I walk into the house, say my hellos to Fern. I see the 2 baskets in the living room, I know my job to get her out faster. She is walking around the house for the final sweep of her house. Ghe's got a pair of socks, pj's and other whatnots. She is trying to convince Fern we will not take long. "Are you almost ready, we just have one stoop to dollar store for soap and than to the laundy mat." I grab the second basket and wait outside. I left them whispering in the kitchen. Holding a small ball of clothes in one arm and touching his forearm with the other one. He is looks like he is pouting. He's just older than her but it's like she is raising a 2 year old little girl and a teen in a grown man's body. I'm outside checkin gmy phone for missed calla. Sonmtimes if I'm not 2 ring on the spot, I feel interigated, the questoon? Jade makes it out of the house a little earlier than I expected. She jumps in the passanger side, throws the clothes in the back, digs through her purse and finds her smokes. " I SWEAR " with a big loud HUFF. She can be loud, well when she's fustrated.
"We're dumb. what the hell is wrong with us? And we really do have to stop at dollar store and then coffee." I say.
She rolls her eyes< "I don't believe you."
"okay, fine believe. I have house, child, a man and car. i got everything, my heart says other wise and sex is diminsitioning."
"Well I don't belive you."
"well, I don't believe you."
We park at the dollar store, both spring out of the truck. We are on a mission. Our conversation consist of if we are going to share the soap cost, do we need to run by the bank for change? We get back to the truck, we pick off where I left off.
"Diministing? How about mine is non-exsistant." The last time was a couple weeks ago for our anniversary, its like he doesn't want to have sex with me."
"you win, I loose this round." I frown.
We say nothing as we pull into drive thru for the coffee shop. The girl immediately recognized Jade and starts getting her coffee ready. Jade is this coffee house number one fan. Her trips make this girls paycheck happen. So, she is not only putting herself through school, she is stimulating the local economy.
As we are leaving, we catch the begining of our favorite band, WRENCH, and the way the last conversation went we were in that kind of mood. Meloncoly. She turns it up, we sing along. I park the truck, because we were not very far fromt he laundry mat and fall into the song. It's over.
"Aaaaggghhh....I love that song." My sister assesses situation in side through there big glass windows. "Let's get this shit done."
Well you know how laundry goes, unload truck, load washers, insert quarters, add detergent, and repeat. When all the clothes are doing the bubble swish dance.
"well I thought I had more clothes." I state as I stack the laundry baskets and throw them on the top of the double loader. Grab my coffee off the top and join my sister, who is already sitting in the plastic double chair bench.
She slumps and than sits up when i join her, "our anniversary was a while back."
"I don't know what to tell you, we are moving into that catagory."
"Get this, he tried to be romantic but his idea of romance is Italian food and sex. so yeah."
I just nod, I haven't seen romance in awhile.
Than she just blurt outs, "FUCK ROMANCE, Give me PASSSIIIOOOONNN. Like grrrr. Touch me mmmmmm." As she growls she shows her teeth and her fingers like claws running down a back, a man's back, sweating from their sex.
"YES!" I cross my legs and start swinging my leg. I bring the coffee cup close to my mouth to drink. My mind begins to wonder, I fix my eyes on the dryer ahead of me. She gets up and goes outta site.
I recently had an encounter of this PASSION, she craves. We had to be quite. My spine curves towards him as he touches me. His hand rubs me from my shoulder blade, down my side, a stop and grab at my ass and to my thigh. Where he grabs, moves it and gets between my legs. This man arouses me. Our kiss is full of lust and desire. I can feel his muscles flex as he moves. We are interwined, it just feels right, SO RIGHT. My legs locked at my ankles around him. HIs neck, his colar bone, his shoulder.....oh.....Passion. Our washer buzzes and snaps me back to reality. My leg was in full swing and I realized I have a big smile on my face. I stood up and i feel a little red in the face. I start unloading and look around for my sister. She comes from behind me. "BOO" I yelp, she chuckles. "So let's get this in dryer and I need a smoke."
She's smiling. I'm stil smiling.
"really? Jade." I'm curious and nothing surprises me about this girl.
"AAAA YEAH! I'm not getting it at home, I can do it myself." We are both still smiling.
"Well, I wernt off to Passion land, a little more subtle. One sentence, spoke volumes."
"mmmhhmm"
The rest of the laundry didn't seem so bad. We were both smiling the rest of the time we were together, until we got back home.
"No, come pick me up."
"Fine be ready." she's never ready.
"Are you bringing Anthony?"
"Nope, what little boy wants to hand out at the laundry mat?"
"Well I'M gonna see if Fern will watch Canela while we do this."
"Be ready. I gotta say my byes and grab my purse, you have 10 minutes."
End Button. If I don't let her respond, it will put her in full gear. I got the last load in the truck already. I walk into Antony's room. "Mijo, ya me voy." He looks away from the movie long enough to say, "okay mami, I love you" Hugs my legs and offers a kiss. And I except. "Mijo, Papi is in the garage, if you need something."
"Okiay, Mami" he says.
I walk out to the garage, He is tinkering with someething under the hood, playing mechanic. I still believe he doesn't know what he is doing. I stop and annouce. "I'm leaving, I gotta go pick up Jade and than to do laundry, I'll be back to make dinner, shouldn't take me long." He looked up at me, " Okay and mijo?"
"He's in his room, I just came from there, I told him you were in here."
"We'll be here, unless we make a trip to AutoMAX. Love you."
"Me, too." I slam the door of the truck. I turn the key, check my mirrors and I am out.
It's not early but it's not late. If we wanted to we could still stop by the bank for quarters. But this girl, you can give advance advance notice or spur of moment, she's gonna be late. She just runs to life, sometimes.
BEEP. Her head pops our from behind the screen door. "you know damn well, I'm not ready." "I know, I turned off the truck off, when I parked." I walk into the house, say my hellos to Fern. I see the 2 baskets in the living room, I know my job to get her out faster. She is walking around the house for the final sweep of her house. Ghe's got a pair of socks, pj's and other whatnots. She is trying to convince Fern we will not take long. "Are you almost ready, we just have one stoop to dollar store for soap and than to the laundy mat." I grab the second basket and wait outside. I left them whispering in the kitchen. Holding a small ball of clothes in one arm and touching his forearm with the other one. He is looks like he is pouting. He's just older than her but it's like she is raising a 2 year old little girl and a teen in a grown man's body. I'm outside checkin gmy phone for missed calla. Sonmtimes if I'm not 2 ring on the spot, I feel interigated, the questoon? Jade makes it out of the house a little earlier than I expected. She jumps in the passanger side, throws the clothes in the back, digs through her purse and finds her smokes. " I SWEAR " with a big loud HUFF. She can be loud, well when she's fustrated.
"We're dumb. what the hell is wrong with us? And we really do have to stop at dollar store and then coffee." I say.
She rolls her eyes< "I don't believe you."
"okay, fine believe. I have house, child, a man and car. i got everything, my heart says other wise and sex is diminsitioning."
"Well I don't belive you."
"well, I don't believe you."
We park at the dollar store, both spring out of the truck. We are on a mission. Our conversation consist of if we are going to share the soap cost, do we need to run by the bank for change? We get back to the truck, we pick off where I left off.
"Diministing? How about mine is non-exsistant." The last time was a couple weeks ago for our anniversary, its like he doesn't want to have sex with me."
"you win, I loose this round." I frown.
We say nothing as we pull into drive thru for the coffee shop. The girl immediately recognized Jade and starts getting her coffee ready. Jade is this coffee house number one fan. Her trips make this girls paycheck happen. So, she is not only putting herself through school, she is stimulating the local economy.
As we are leaving, we catch the begining of our favorite band, WRENCH, and the way the last conversation went we were in that kind of mood. Meloncoly. She turns it up, we sing along. I park the truck, because we were not very far fromt he laundry mat and fall into the song. It's over.
"Aaaaggghhh....I love that song." My sister assesses situation in side through there big glass windows. "Let's get this shit done."
Well you know how laundry goes, unload truck, load washers, insert quarters, add detergent, and repeat. When all the clothes are doing the bubble swish dance.
"well I thought I had more clothes." I state as I stack the laundry baskets and throw them on the top of the double loader. Grab my coffee off the top and join my sister, who is already sitting in the plastic double chair bench.
She slumps and than sits up when i join her, "our anniversary was a while back."
"I don't know what to tell you, we are moving into that catagory."
"Get this, he tried to be romantic but his idea of romance is Italian food and sex. so yeah."
I just nod, I haven't seen romance in awhile.
Than she just blurt outs, "FUCK ROMANCE, Give me PASSSIIIOOOONNN. Like grrrr. Touch me mmmmmm." As she growls she shows her teeth and her fingers like claws running down a back, a man's back, sweating from their sex.
"YES!" I cross my legs and start swinging my leg. I bring the coffee cup close to my mouth to drink. My mind begins to wonder, I fix my eyes on the dryer ahead of me. She gets up and goes outta site.
I recently had an encounter of this PASSION, she craves. We had to be quite. My spine curves towards him as he touches me. His hand rubs me from my shoulder blade, down my side, a stop and grab at my ass and to my thigh. Where he grabs, moves it and gets between my legs. This man arouses me. Our kiss is full of lust and desire. I can feel his muscles flex as he moves. We are interwined, it just feels right, SO RIGHT. My legs locked at my ankles around him. HIs neck, his colar bone, his shoulder.....oh.....Passion. Our washer buzzes and snaps me back to reality. My leg was in full swing and I realized I have a big smile on my face. I stood up and i feel a little red in the face. I start unloading and look around for my sister. She comes from behind me. "BOO" I yelp, she chuckles. "So let's get this in dryer and I need a smoke."
She's smiling. I'm stil smiling.
"really? Jade." I'm curious and nothing surprises me about this girl.
"AAAA YEAH! I'm not getting it at home, I can do it myself." We are both still smiling.
"Well, I wernt off to Passion land, a little more subtle. One sentence, spoke volumes."
"mmmhhmm"
The rest of the laundry didn't seem so bad. We were both smiling the rest of the time we were together, until we got back home.
Saturday, June 12, 2010
Reflecting on Pregnancies
I'm going to be 30 this year and lately I've been thinking about my past pregnancies. Maybe it's because I'm finally married and am truely in love, and with this relationship will NOT come a child. I get a little indifferent about the whole thing. What can I say?
There have been two times in my life that I 've been with child. I'm one of those girls that falls in the catagory of "I HATE BEING PREGNANT!" I have quite a few reasons why let's go ahead and list them.
1. You get Fat.
2. Stretch Marks, they suck.
3. There's about a good 4 - 5 months you can't see your feet, vagina or legs.
4. In the 3rd Trimester, you have to run to the bathroom because the urge to pee is overwhelming to sit down and hear/feel drip, drip....that's it, really. I'm not joking.
5. Can't get comfortable in your own skin, sitting, standing, laying down. Nothing works.
6. Doctor visits. You and your OB get to really know each other with the experience always being on your back with your legs up. It's just very personal.
7. Peeing at the doctor's office, IN A DIXIE CUP. you haven't seen your vagina in weeks and they want you to pee in this tiny cup. And you wonder why you miss and pee on your damn hand! And haven't we established I'm pregnant, why pee in cup? ugh
8. The heart burn
9. Blood Test
10. Gestainal Diabetes Test good to know but telling a pregnant woman she can't eat, really?
11. BIRTH >>> ALL OF IT!
12. The pregnancy test: The initial "KNOWING" it is the worst 3 - 5 minutes for any woman, whether its a planned or surprise. It's a long wait, just ask any woman.
I hated being pregnant, I ended up giving birth to small babies 7 pounders so the rest of the 43 - 63 pounds I gained were ALL ME BABY! GROSS! I just get FAT, my ass and thighs become one as a THASS. My face looks like I am holding a cantalope in each of my cheeks, my arms get fluffy and I can't tell you if I had CANKLES because I could never see past my belly.
So, why get excited about the worse body transformation ever. This doesn't even include your hormones.
16 turning 17 and Pregnant >> Two words come to mind, Statistic & Dumb. In 1997 & 1998 I made it into the statstic manuels for all the pamplets that they give out in the free clinic to other teenagers. I was a stat for Navarro, The State of Texas under HISPANIC TEEN PREGNANT BETWEEN AGE OF 14 - 19. Just another number, let's face the fact it's true.
Dumb. Dumb teenager mentality. I know it all, no worries my parents will save me from everything, nothing is gonna happen to me and attitude. Well, I will tell you one thing, "If you don't tell anyone, than nobody can help you." I brought one of the biggest burdens to my family when I was pregnant so young. I feel horrible that my sisters had to deal with me and my hormonal teenage pregnant ass. I use to drink milk by the gallons DAILY. They would wake up go to get cereal for breakfast to have no milk. Once Jess went to the fridge and asked, "Didn't we have apples?" "We did but they gone." I said from the couch as I hid the other apple I had and tucked it under my shirt. She picked something else and came to sit with us in living room. I finished my apple, put the core down infront of me and pulled the other apple from my shirt. "crunch, snap" She turned around, my mouth full of juicy tart green apple. SHE WAS FURIOUS. I don't remember what she yelled at me, but to this day it makes me feel so bad. HOW COULD I BE SO SELFISH??? I'm sorry Jessenia.
Since I was young and didn't know what to expect, didn't do much reading on being pregnant cause I kinda cared but I didn't want to know. Ignorance is bliss. So, I just know that I did not like the changes to my body. I actually did not understand all of them either, once again uneducated. The only smart thing I did with my dumb actions to lead me to being a dumb teenager was give a family the ultimate gift of love. Something dumb, turned into something smart.
22 and Pregnant >> By now my friends were adding their new additions to their relatioships. I saw my best friend have the worst baby fever experience ever. When she finally did get pregnant, she went from vegetarian to eating ribs from a bone. By the time I was pregnant with my other son, I was too informed. I knew how the baby was growing inside, what to expect each and every month. Watched way too many birthing shows. I do believe that my two pregnancies did make my depression worse. I have gone unmedicated for so long that my depression gets severe with suicidal tendencies. During this pregnancy I was far away from my family and I had co-workers instead. Let's just say, I hated them and they hated me. I am a super bitch and everything upsets me. I would cry for everything and anything. Happy moments or sad, it didn't matter! I just know that this pregnancy affected my hormones than anything else.
Both of my pregnancies were at different times in my life. I think going on 30 you can still have children but with me, I believe it's just not going to be a good idea. I'm not a nice pregnant lady. I don't think its CUTE to walk around FAT!! I don't like sneezing and peeing a little bit either.
I just wanted to reflect some what on my pregnancies. I believe I have populated the earth with enough human being replacements. 2 boys. I'm done.
There have been two times in my life that I 've been with child. I'm one of those girls that falls in the catagory of "I HATE BEING PREGNANT!" I have quite a few reasons why let's go ahead and list them.
1. You get Fat.
2. Stretch Marks, they suck.
3. There's about a good 4 - 5 months you can't see your feet, vagina or legs.
4. In the 3rd Trimester, you have to run to the bathroom because the urge to pee is overwhelming to sit down and hear/feel drip, drip....that's it, really. I'm not joking.
5. Can't get comfortable in your own skin, sitting, standing, laying down. Nothing works.
6. Doctor visits. You and your OB get to really know each other with the experience always being on your back with your legs up. It's just very personal.
7. Peeing at the doctor's office, IN A DIXIE CUP. you haven't seen your vagina in weeks and they want you to pee in this tiny cup. And you wonder why you miss and pee on your damn hand! And haven't we established I'm pregnant, why pee in cup? ugh
8. The heart burn
9. Blood Test
10. Gestainal Diabetes Test good to know but telling a pregnant woman she can't eat, really?
11. BIRTH >>> ALL OF IT!
12. The pregnancy test: The initial "KNOWING" it is the worst 3 - 5 minutes for any woman, whether its a planned or surprise. It's a long wait, just ask any woman.
I hated being pregnant, I ended up giving birth to small babies 7 pounders so the rest of the 43 - 63 pounds I gained were ALL ME BABY! GROSS! I just get FAT, my ass and thighs become one as a THASS. My face looks like I am holding a cantalope in each of my cheeks, my arms get fluffy and I can't tell you if I had CANKLES because I could never see past my belly.
So, why get excited about the worse body transformation ever. This doesn't even include your hormones.
16 turning 17 and Pregnant >> Two words come to mind, Statistic & Dumb. In 1997 & 1998 I made it into the statstic manuels for all the pamplets that they give out in the free clinic to other teenagers. I was a stat for Navarro, The State of Texas under HISPANIC TEEN PREGNANT BETWEEN AGE OF 14 - 19. Just another number, let's face the fact it's true.
Dumb. Dumb teenager mentality. I know it all, no worries my parents will save me from everything, nothing is gonna happen to me and attitude. Well, I will tell you one thing, "If you don't tell anyone, than nobody can help you." I brought one of the biggest burdens to my family when I was pregnant so young. I feel horrible that my sisters had to deal with me and my hormonal teenage pregnant ass. I use to drink milk by the gallons DAILY. They would wake up go to get cereal for breakfast to have no milk. Once Jess went to the fridge and asked, "Didn't we have apples?" "We did but they gone." I said from the couch as I hid the other apple I had and tucked it under my shirt. She picked something else and came to sit with us in living room. I finished my apple, put the core down infront of me and pulled the other apple from my shirt. "crunch, snap" She turned around, my mouth full of juicy tart green apple. SHE WAS FURIOUS. I don't remember what she yelled at me, but to this day it makes me feel so bad. HOW COULD I BE SO SELFISH??? I'm sorry Jessenia.
Since I was young and didn't know what to expect, didn't do much reading on being pregnant cause I kinda cared but I didn't want to know. Ignorance is bliss. So, I just know that I did not like the changes to my body. I actually did not understand all of them either, once again uneducated. The only smart thing I did with my dumb actions to lead me to being a dumb teenager was give a family the ultimate gift of love. Something dumb, turned into something smart.
22 and Pregnant >> By now my friends were adding their new additions to their relatioships. I saw my best friend have the worst baby fever experience ever. When she finally did get pregnant, she went from vegetarian to eating ribs from a bone. By the time I was pregnant with my other son, I was too informed. I knew how the baby was growing inside, what to expect each and every month. Watched way too many birthing shows. I do believe that my two pregnancies did make my depression worse. I have gone unmedicated for so long that my depression gets severe with suicidal tendencies. During this pregnancy I was far away from my family and I had co-workers instead. Let's just say, I hated them and they hated me. I am a super bitch and everything upsets me. I would cry for everything and anything. Happy moments or sad, it didn't matter! I just know that this pregnancy affected my hormones than anything else.
Both of my pregnancies were at different times in my life. I think going on 30 you can still have children but with me, I believe it's just not going to be a good idea. I'm not a nice pregnant lady. I don't think its CUTE to walk around FAT!! I don't like sneezing and peeing a little bit either.
I just wanted to reflect some what on my pregnancies. I believe I have populated the earth with enough human being replacements. 2 boys. I'm done.
Thursday, June 10, 2010
Girlfriend Kind of Girl
I like my girlfriends and treasure ALL of them. I have never been one to have a lot of guy friends. I had one guy friend in college, which I wish I could find cause he never wanted in my pants just wanted my friendship. He was one of my first guy friends, I called "brother."
Girlfriends, they are super awesome. Maybe it's because I grew up with a house full of girls but I have always been a girlfriend kind of gal. Besides, if you have too many guy friends than your boyfriend/husband can get kind of jealous and who needs that shit! Than you have to explain to them that they are just friends and psssshhhhh who wants to deal with that crap.
Some of my favorite shows revolve around girlfriends and what you do for them and what they do for you. Sex and the City girls, revolutionized "girlfriends" their actions, their lives, their feelings, their love for each other and their love/hate relationship with men.
The other day I caught an episode of Desperate Housewives, and they too have a strong girlfriend bond that I related too. They banned together to tell the CUNT/SLUT on the block they were no longer gonna recognize her as a neighbor! I turned to George and said, "That's right! These BITCHES are banning together against the CUNT on the block! GIRLFRIENDS RULE!!!!"
Having girlfriends rule cause to be cheesy, if you hang out with them long enough your menstrual cycle happens at the same time. lol No that is not one of the perks to having a girlfriends, but it helps to have everyone on the same cycle cause than tampons can be bought in bulk. Ha ha ha
I just don't know about having guy friends is all, sometimes it would be cool to have them but I look at men as pigs, lets be honest. THEY WANT IN YOUR PANTS! They think about sex just as much or even more than we do. So unless you have a super fabulous gay guy friend than any other man just wants in your pants. Now I am one of those girls who attracts lesbians. I have a handful of lesbian friends that are too my girlfriends but they know I'm not gay and keep it very as friendship not pushing any boundaries. Now sexual tension amongst gay girlfriends make for good ego boost flirtation, but it's been awhile since I've had one of those fun conversations.
There is one thing about girlfriends that I have learned from my youth. Sometimes, friends take what they know about you and use it against you, now they were never true friends. And those times it makes you realize it's hard to trust someone but if you don't put yourself out there sometimes, than you will never know what true friendship is.
I am that girl who loves to have girlfriends. "BROS before HOES" this saying applys to us just as strong or even STRONGER than the boys. My girlfriends and I will forever be "soul mates" (Taken from Sex & the City) but it's true.
Girlfriends, they are super awesome. Maybe it's because I grew up with a house full of girls but I have always been a girlfriend kind of gal. Besides, if you have too many guy friends than your boyfriend/husband can get kind of jealous and who needs that shit! Than you have to explain to them that they are just friends and psssshhhhh who wants to deal with that crap.
Some of my favorite shows revolve around girlfriends and what you do for them and what they do for you. Sex and the City girls, revolutionized "girlfriends" their actions, their lives, their feelings, their love for each other and their love/hate relationship with men.
The other day I caught an episode of Desperate Housewives, and they too have a strong girlfriend bond that I related too. They banned together to tell the CUNT/SLUT on the block they were no longer gonna recognize her as a neighbor! I turned to George and said, "That's right! These BITCHES are banning together against the CUNT on the block! GIRLFRIENDS RULE!!!!"
Having girlfriends rule cause to be cheesy, if you hang out with them long enough your menstrual cycle happens at the same time. lol No that is not one of the perks to having a girlfriends, but it helps to have everyone on the same cycle cause than tampons can be bought in bulk. Ha ha ha
I just don't know about having guy friends is all, sometimes it would be cool to have them but I look at men as pigs, lets be honest. THEY WANT IN YOUR PANTS! They think about sex just as much or even more than we do. So unless you have a super fabulous gay guy friend than any other man just wants in your pants. Now I am one of those girls who attracts lesbians. I have a handful of lesbian friends that are too my girlfriends but they know I'm not gay and keep it very as friendship not pushing any boundaries. Now sexual tension amongst gay girlfriends make for good ego boost flirtation, but it's been awhile since I've had one of those fun conversations.
There is one thing about girlfriends that I have learned from my youth. Sometimes, friends take what they know about you and use it against you, now they were never true friends. And those times it makes you realize it's hard to trust someone but if you don't put yourself out there sometimes, than you will never know what true friendship is.
I am that girl who loves to have girlfriends. "BROS before HOES" this saying applys to us just as strong or even STRONGER than the boys. My girlfriends and I will forever be "soul mates" (Taken from Sex & the City) but it's true.
Tuesday, June 1, 2010
Thinking about Sharing
I have kept my blog a secret long enough. I believe I will be giving out my blog url to myspacers and facebookers very soon.
I might have to consider editing some of the past posts, because I am not always nice.
Well, it's just a thought.
I need to think of another story.
I might have to consider editing some of the past posts, because I am not always nice.
Well, it's just a thought.
I need to think of another story.
Friday, May 14, 2010
Ignorance is BLISS
I just wish I could walk around being ignorant to what is going on in the world. IT's going to shit and the more information you know the more you get scared. Earthquakes, tornadoes, oil spills....maybe Mother Earth is trying to get rid of us. She didn't like the dinosaurs, and guess what they GONE!
I'm just saying. Sometimes not knowing is the best.
I'm just saying. Sometimes not knowing is the best.
Friday, April 23, 2010
Timeless Love
An elderly couple gets ready to settle in for the night. The husband gets undressed and throws his pants to the floor like he has done for so many years. He slowly sits on the edge of the bed and begins his decent to the pillow as he grunts and growns on the way down. Settled in he awaits his bride to join him.
She slips into her night gown and picks up the brush from the dresser. Slowly lets down her long silver hair and begins to brush it, like she hass for so many years. As the brush moves through her hair she recalls brushing her father's hair, when she was a teen. He had long wavy peppered hair, she would sit behind him and he'd sit on the floor, as they watched television. She smiled.
"why are you smiling?" her husband's voice soft & loving.
"memories." she replied as she smiled at his reflection in the mirror.
She put the brush down and parted her hair down the middle. Braided the right side & than the left. She sits at the edge of her side of the bed, turns to her husband and asks, "how do I look?"
He opens his eyes, reaches for her hand, sqeezes it as he replies, "just as beautiful as ever, I love you and will always love you, my bride." She smiles back at her husband. Her heart flutters, for his love has always made her feel light on her feet. "I love you too, very much."
She turns off the lights, makes her way in the darkness next to her beloved husband.
"Sweet dreams." his last words.
That night he left her, but she wasn't sad. They led a life of timeless love and they would one day be together again.
She slips into her night gown and picks up the brush from the dresser. Slowly lets down her long silver hair and begins to brush it, like she hass for so many years. As the brush moves through her hair she recalls brushing her father's hair, when she was a teen. He had long wavy peppered hair, she would sit behind him and he'd sit on the floor, as they watched television. She smiled.
"why are you smiling?" her husband's voice soft & loving.
"memories." she replied as she smiled at his reflection in the mirror.
She put the brush down and parted her hair down the middle. Braided the right side & than the left. She sits at the edge of her side of the bed, turns to her husband and asks, "how do I look?"
He opens his eyes, reaches for her hand, sqeezes it as he replies, "just as beautiful as ever, I love you and will always love you, my bride." She smiles back at her husband. Her heart flutters, for his love has always made her feel light on her feet. "I love you too, very much."
She turns off the lights, makes her way in the darkness next to her beloved husband.
"Sweet dreams." his last words.
That night he left her, but she wasn't sad. They led a life of timeless love and they would one day be together again.
Sunday, March 14, 2010
Relating to an Artist
I have been a fan of Frida Kahlo for some years now, and there is something about her paintings that just draw me into them. Or maybe is that her marriage to Diego has been portrayed as such a volatile union. There are several quotes she left behind really telling the story of her and her husband. She painted her life, her thoughts, her fears, her joys, her heart. I admire her as an artist.
There is this one painting of hers that always makes so much sense to me and I have always wanted a print of the painting. The Two Fridas (http://www.fridakahlofans.com/c0290.htm) There is a huge part of me that believes we all have at least two personalities and I can completely relate to this painting.
I have several titles, like many women, mother, daughter, wife, lover, friend, sister, and so on. I believe that I have a good/bad side (for lack of better vocabulary) to myself. Nobody likes my bad/sad side, she is always looking down on herself and she struggles with inter demons of self hate, loathing, and suicidal thoughts. She is never part of the solution, more of a problem. This is the side of me that tries to keep people away from her and is known to be lost in her own thoughts and stares into space. My good/happy side is the fun loving me that everyone like to see. The one that cares about you, the one that listens to you, the one that spoils her loved ones with nice words & actions. She is also like to emerge in the kitchen to fill your stomach with home cooked food. Because food is good for your soul.
The Two Fridas mean that to me. Her husband only loved and respected one of the Fridas but not the other. My husband never stops loving me but I believe he does not always LIKE me, especially when I am the sad/bad me. So, when I look at the painting I can get lost in it for hours, picking my own brain with the how she must have felt with every brush stroke.
I can relate and it speaks volumes to me.
There is this one painting of hers that always makes so much sense to me and I have always wanted a print of the painting. The Two Fridas (http://www.fridakahlofans.com/c0290.htm) There is a huge part of me that believes we all have at least two personalities and I can completely relate to this painting.
I have several titles, like many women, mother, daughter, wife, lover, friend, sister, and so on. I believe that I have a good/bad side (for lack of better vocabulary) to myself. Nobody likes my bad/sad side, she is always looking down on herself and she struggles with inter demons of self hate, loathing, and suicidal thoughts. She is never part of the solution, more of a problem. This is the side of me that tries to keep people away from her and is known to be lost in her own thoughts and stares into space. My good/happy side is the fun loving me that everyone like to see. The one that cares about you, the one that listens to you, the one that spoils her loved ones with nice words & actions. She is also like to emerge in the kitchen to fill your stomach with home cooked food. Because food is good for your soul.
The Two Fridas mean that to me. Her husband only loved and respected one of the Fridas but not the other. My husband never stops loving me but I believe he does not always LIKE me, especially when I am the sad/bad me. So, when I look at the painting I can get lost in it for hours, picking my own brain with the how she must have felt with every brush stroke.
I can relate and it speaks volumes to me.
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
Artist BLOCK.....ugh
Maybe I am losing steam....
I just want to complete this Logo for my sister and I might have taken on a project that is TOO advanced for my simple artist skill. I have lost a little confidence in my ability to produce a good product. Back to the drawing board.....
Cross stitching: I need more thread, black thread with me is like milk in a babies bottle. GONE. As soon as I get some, I will start stitching again.
Tattoo apprentice: psstt, I am actally a little jealous of this new guy that is gonna learn cause my apprenticeship goes on hold, in my opinion. :(
My earth girl: Once again, I feel stuck. I want to make her look like stone and I feel like I just dont understand how to make her look stoney.....ugh
Writing: I havent written in awhile, either.
Artist block sucks! GO away Artist block for I truely am ready to get creative again!
I just want to complete this Logo for my sister and I might have taken on a project that is TOO advanced for my simple artist skill. I have lost a little confidence in my ability to produce a good product. Back to the drawing board.....
Cross stitching: I need more thread, black thread with me is like milk in a babies bottle. GONE. As soon as I get some, I will start stitching again.
Tattoo apprentice: psstt, I am actally a little jealous of this new guy that is gonna learn cause my apprenticeship goes on hold, in my opinion. :(
My earth girl: Once again, I feel stuck. I want to make her look like stone and I feel like I just dont understand how to make her look stoney.....ugh
Writing: I havent written in awhile, either.
Artist block sucks! GO away Artist block for I truely am ready to get creative again!
Friday, February 12, 2010
Application for a NEW Friend?
APPLICATION FOR A NEW FRIEND?
RE VISED August 18, 2012
What kind of questions would you ever consider putting on an application like this? What kind of questions would you ask a girl. Here is my problem, I already have BEST friends and they are all great. It has taken me years of being there for them, and them being there for me. It has been years of listening to each other talk shit and hanging out. BUT I guess, with me being so far away from them, I get lonely here.
I have several of LG cousins telling me that "I WILL BE YOUR FRIEND!" well that's cool, but still your not MINE! Your LG cousin first of all and that makes it a little different.
Let's see here are some random questions, I guess I could ask?
1 What is your definition of friendship?
2. Do you listen or just need some attention? (cause that position has been filled by my sister, lol )
3. Have you ever lost a friend and wish you hadn't?
4. Do you believe in the forgiveness between friends? AND what would you consider a deal breaker on friendship?
Of course I could do the whole generic questions:
5. What's your favorite networking site?
6. What do you do for fun, or do you have hobby?
7. Likes & dislikes
Well, no matter what, an application will not exist. Like any other relationship, you have to take time with a person to make sure they are even worth hanging out with. I know I have pre-requisites in just being in my presence! Yes, that sounds vain, but I am not going to be your BFF, let alone your friend if the following things are wrong with you:
1. Your younger than 20! YOUR FUCKING DUMB! << I have been wrong before. I stopped being so narrow minded and have to matured. I have met several young ladies that opened my eyes.>>
2. Your blonde, your LAME! <<Must have been the blondes, that weren't really blonde in the first place, but I can't that damn swallow, I am a dumb brunette at times. >>
3. YOUR A CUNT! I just don't tolerate cunts, they are hated by everyone because they cant get along with others EVER! I am a BITCH and I get along with other bitches! woot woot! NOTHING HAS CHANGED. I am to the point that we are going to be in the same area for an extended amount of time, we just play nice. You don't have to like me but you will always remember me.
4. If you have the worst irritating voice I have ever heard!
Yeah, that's right I have to tolerate your presence before I even give you an application!
Do you think you have what it takes to me by friend?
5. If you say the following to me as your opening introduction: "I don't have many friends." Or something to that nature. I don't believe you will get an application at all. DENIED. Short Term Friend.
When I wrote this back in 2010, it was a different adventure in my life. I have now traveled to several regions and visit so many people. Maybe my relationships are now all just short term ones and long term ones. I hate to make it sound like a GOAL List but sometimes you just know when relationships will move on to the next level or not.
I gained two long term friends, how many do I really need. Sometimes you just know when your done.
**And I find myself to be very comical, my past entry was so bitchy. I considered myself a little swallow and closed minded. It's okay to laugh at oneself. :)
RE VISED August 18, 2012
What kind of questions would you ever consider putting on an application like this? What kind of questions would you ask a girl. Here is my problem, I already have BEST friends and they are all great. It has taken me years of being there for them, and them being there for me. It has been years of listening to each other talk shit and hanging out. BUT I guess, with me being so far away from them, I get lonely here.
I have several of LG cousins telling me that "I WILL BE YOUR FRIEND!" well that's cool, but still your not MINE! Your LG cousin first of all and that makes it a little different.
Let's see here are some random questions, I guess I could ask?
1 What is your definition of friendship?
2. Do you listen or just need some attention? (cause that position has been filled by my sister, lol )
3. Have you ever lost a friend and wish you hadn't?
4. Do you believe in the forgiveness between friends? AND what would you consider a deal breaker on friendship?
Of course I could do the whole generic questions:
5. What's your favorite networking site?
6. What do you do for fun, or do you have hobby?
7. Likes & dislikes
Well, no matter what, an application will not exist. Like any other relationship, you have to take time with a person to make sure they are even worth hanging out with. I know I have pre-requisites in just being in my presence! Yes, that sounds vain, but I am not going to be your BFF, let alone your friend if the following things are wrong with you:
1. Your younger than 20! YOUR FUCKING DUMB! << I have been wrong before. I stopped being so narrow minded and have to matured. I have met several young ladies that opened my eyes.>>
2. Your blonde, your LAME! <<Must have been the blondes, that weren't really blonde in the first place, but I can't that damn swallow, I am a dumb brunette at times. >>
3. YOUR A CUNT! I just don't tolerate cunts, they are hated by everyone because they cant get along with others EVER! I am a BITCH and I get along with other bitches! woot woot! NOTHING HAS CHANGED. I am to the point that we are going to be in the same area for an extended amount of time, we just play nice. You don't have to like me but you will always remember me.
4. If you have the worst irritating voice I have ever heard!
Yeah, that's right I have to tolerate your presence before I even give you an application!
Do you think you have what it takes to me by friend?
5. If you say the following to me as your opening introduction: "I don't have many friends." Or something to that nature. I don't believe you will get an application at all. DENIED. Short Term Friend.
When I wrote this back in 2010, it was a different adventure in my life. I have now traveled to several regions and visit so many people. Maybe my relationships are now all just short term ones and long term ones. I hate to make it sound like a GOAL List but sometimes you just know when relationships will move on to the next level or not.
I gained two long term friends, how many do I really need. Sometimes you just know when your done.
**And I find myself to be very comical, my past entry was so bitchy. I considered myself a little swallow and closed minded. It's okay to laugh at oneself. :)
Thursday, February 11, 2010
Hands, they tell a story
Your hands, my hands, your father's hands, your mother's hands, grandmother & grandfather's hands. They all have stories. Each little line, each little scar they all have a story.
When my grandmother died, I held her hand and looked at it. I remember those hands in the kitchen. I examined every little wrinkle, her long beautiful strong nails and knew it was gonna be the last time I held her hand. I look down at my hands and I see her hands. Which makes me smile, for I know she was a good woman. And I hope I grow up and become a grandma with hands with a story.
My hands were starting to crack and hurt due to the lack of moisture in the air here in the dessert. And I turned to George and said, "my dad's hands get like this during the winter. I remember him working long hours in the cold and coming home with cracked skin. I don't know why he did that and let them get so bad." George turned to me and said, "Because he needed to feed his girls, and he loves ya'll and dry hands weren't gonna stop your dad from providing." He was right, bless my father for doing what he did to raise us.
Hands, that tell a story. What story are your hands telling others?
Soon, my hands will tell a story of being the cross-stitching gypsy I know I am. My fingers get brutalized sometimes, remember I am working with sharp pointy objects and they hurt. I know that if I continue to make homemade tortillas I will have the traditional Mexican lady hands that can deal with the heat from the comal. I know that one day, I will look at my sister's hands and their hands will tell a story. Julissa's hands a story of love and care for her hands, for she has this NO TOLERANCE for bad cuticles. Jessenia's hands, will tell a story but who knows if they will tell a story of pushing papers or of pushing triggers. Lisa's hands will tell a story of lots of fun kid activities, whether she comes home with a paper cut or covered in finger paint, they say fun. Tiffany's hands will have the slight smell of money some days and others of her playing with the earth to create a garden. But hey, we are still young, and our hands will get older, with more battle wounds of the many years to come.
Palm reading, whether you believe it or not. One of George's Aunts told me that one of your hands is the past and the other the future.
Look down at your hands? What do you think about them? Look at your parent's hands and ask them a question about that little scar, and see what they tell you.
When my grandmother died, I held her hand and looked at it. I remember those hands in the kitchen. I examined every little wrinkle, her long beautiful strong nails and knew it was gonna be the last time I held her hand. I look down at my hands and I see her hands. Which makes me smile, for I know she was a good woman. And I hope I grow up and become a grandma with hands with a story.
My hands were starting to crack and hurt due to the lack of moisture in the air here in the dessert. And I turned to George and said, "my dad's hands get like this during the winter. I remember him working long hours in the cold and coming home with cracked skin. I don't know why he did that and let them get so bad." George turned to me and said, "Because he needed to feed his girls, and he loves ya'll and dry hands weren't gonna stop your dad from providing." He was right, bless my father for doing what he did to raise us.
Hands, that tell a story. What story are your hands telling others?
Soon, my hands will tell a story of being the cross-stitching gypsy I know I am. My fingers get brutalized sometimes, remember I am working with sharp pointy objects and they hurt. I know that if I continue to make homemade tortillas I will have the traditional Mexican lady hands that can deal with the heat from the comal. I know that one day, I will look at my sister's hands and their hands will tell a story. Julissa's hands a story of love and care for her hands, for she has this NO TOLERANCE for bad cuticles. Jessenia's hands, will tell a story but who knows if they will tell a story of pushing papers or of pushing triggers. Lisa's hands will tell a story of lots of fun kid activities, whether she comes home with a paper cut or covered in finger paint, they say fun. Tiffany's hands will have the slight smell of money some days and others of her playing with the earth to create a garden. But hey, we are still young, and our hands will get older, with more battle wounds of the many years to come.
Palm reading, whether you believe it or not. One of George's Aunts told me that one of your hands is the past and the other the future.
Look down at your hands? What do you think about them? Look at your parent's hands and ask them a question about that little scar, and see what they tell you.
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
What the hell is wrong with her?
Well, if you must know, there is this syndrome called "middle-child syndrome" and well no matter if it is made up or in some medical psychiatric term. She is my sister. She is also an Aries, if you believe in the stars and birthdays. She is hard headed and stubborn and sometimes they can be a little self centered.
Which will also make her a Fire sign. And let me tell you when she is HOT she is hot. Her presence is for sure there in a bright spirit, whether she is in good or bad. If she is baffling you with bullshit than she might be clouding your vision with her smoke, but no matter what she is fire. Now with all these factors, she is my sister. And we all love her. Her little evil ways are just due the fact she has suffered from all of these traits. Maybe not so much suffered but has embraced! WELL sometimes we suffered more. HA Ha She might have been the little sister to one and an older sister to another but she is a great sister all the way around. She has this magnetic gravitation to her. She wants to be "worshiped" but than she gets irritated about the attention. I believe she is strong force to be reconded with sometimes, whether it in everyday life, or in the bedroom. She is either, sit down, shut up and enjoy the ride kind of gal. OR she can be "that was it? GET OUT, I've had better sex ON MY OWN" kind of gal. Vulgar, well that should have been her middle name. Sometimes she has not couth, but psst in this society who gives a shit. Well, no matter what, this strong girl has pushed past all fears and doubts and moves along everyday for the greater good of her family. Her little girl is the most important person to her and she has done everything she can to be the best mother she can be.
What the hell is wrong with her? Nothing. She is perfect in every way.
Which will also make her a Fire sign. And let me tell you when she is HOT she is hot. Her presence is for sure there in a bright spirit, whether she is in good or bad. If she is baffling you with bullshit than she might be clouding your vision with her smoke, but no matter what she is fire. Now with all these factors, she is my sister. And we all love her. Her little evil ways are just due the fact she has suffered from all of these traits. Maybe not so much suffered but has embraced! WELL sometimes we suffered more. HA Ha She might have been the little sister to one and an older sister to another but she is a great sister all the way around. She has this magnetic gravitation to her. She wants to be "worshiped" but than she gets irritated about the attention. I believe she is strong force to be reconded with sometimes, whether it in everyday life, or in the bedroom. She is either, sit down, shut up and enjoy the ride kind of gal. OR she can be "that was it? GET OUT, I've had better sex ON MY OWN" kind of gal. Vulgar, well that should have been her middle name. Sometimes she has not couth, but psst in this society who gives a shit. Well, no matter what, this strong girl has pushed past all fears and doubts and moves along everyday for the greater good of her family. Her little girl is the most important person to her and she has done everything she can to be the best mother she can be.
What the hell is wrong with her? Nothing. She is perfect in every way.
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
Library, Books, and inspiration
I finally am sitting in front of a computer, but the only problem is that I am on a timer. BOOOO Library politics. Dont they know that I am not only trying to find a job, but i have to write a blog. :) Well, no matter what, I am happy to be writing.
I walk around the shelves and look at the selection. I love the library, there are so many stories to read, so many books, some of drawing, stitching, automotive, biographies, and the fiction....ENDLESS. So, I am walking around and I see it, a book George wants me to read and practice the exercises. I want to be so many things and this is one that will help me figure out if I can be an artist. But no matter what, I hope my book helps me with my cross stitching and making new patterns better.
I love writing and so far, in my blog, I have had to delete one. Let's just pretend, that one never existed. I was being mean and selfish.
I have 15 minutes and I have other job research to do. I am glad I stopped by, but boy am I dumb! I am following my own blog, but have yet to figure out how to follow my sisters & friends. I am dumb. :) good day!
I walk around the shelves and look at the selection. I love the library, there are so many stories to read, so many books, some of drawing, stitching, automotive, biographies, and the fiction....ENDLESS. So, I am walking around and I see it, a book George wants me to read and practice the exercises. I want to be so many things and this is one that will help me figure out if I can be an artist. But no matter what, I hope my book helps me with my cross stitching and making new patterns better.
I love writing and so far, in my blog, I have had to delete one. Let's just pretend, that one never existed. I was being mean and selfish.
I have 15 minutes and I have other job research to do. I am glad I stopped by, but boy am I dumb! I am following my own blog, but have yet to figure out how to follow my sisters & friends. I am dumb. :) good day!
Friday, January 22, 2010
blogging via mobil
IS HARD ASS HELL.
how about that!
my tumbs are fast but my fingers are faster. And editing a blog, forget about it. And trying to add friends to follow, i cant figure it out via cell. Maybe the website is smarter than I am or just confusing as hell.
I have a couple topics i need to jot down, maybe they will be future blog topics who knows?
1. Application for a new friend
2. Same sex Marriage
3. Haiti Volunteers
4. Hands that tell a story...
well i will keep blogging my little thumbs away, until i get a real job or a computer. This blogging is keeping my depression at bay, to be quite honest. I think if i wasnt taking time and thinking about writing I would be having major pity parties with special guests like: Ms. Worthless, Capt. Self Hate, Lt. Lameass, d General Suicide. ughhhh I hate them all but they seem to be a part of my dark side.
how about that!
my tumbs are fast but my fingers are faster. And editing a blog, forget about it. And trying to add friends to follow, i cant figure it out via cell. Maybe the website is smarter than I am or just confusing as hell.
I have a couple topics i need to jot down, maybe they will be future blog topics who knows?
1. Application for a new friend
2. Same sex Marriage
3. Haiti Volunteers
4. Hands that tell a story...
well i will keep blogging my little thumbs away, until i get a real job or a computer. This blogging is keeping my depression at bay, to be quite honest. I think if i wasnt taking time and thinking about writing I would be having major pity parties with special guests like: Ms. Worthless, Capt. Self Hate, Lt. Lameass, d General Suicide. ughhhh I hate them all but they seem to be a part of my dark side.
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
Cats
Many memories from childhood to my early adulthood; i can recall cats as a part of my past/family.
My Aunts on my mother side they had cats. My Tia Rosy had several Siamese cats that graced our presence when we went to visit her. My Tia had the most memorable childhood cat, named Sylvester. A black and white neutered de-clawed mean male cat. That cat was a pissed off little bastard. i remember me and my sister fucking with him so he can swat at us. That cat was a harder hitter. lol But my aunt loved that cat and i could see she cared for him. He lived many cat years.
My uncle gave my sisters and I a cat he found in a tank. A tank that came into Fort Hood that at one point was used for the Dessert War when President Bush Sr. was in office. That cat was named Tanker. He came home with us and lived for several cat years, i think. His death I don't remember.
Little Country Trailor Park Ferrell cats hung out at our house. maybe cause we were poor and just fed them leftovers. we could let them starve, that is mean. But when they snuck in house Papi use to throw them out but at least they all landed on their feet. But the day we named them Papi could not say no to his three daughters with thier big brown eyes and their Olivares smiles! We had cats they were ours and now they have names. Tails, the orange male cat with a huge fluffy tail, was pegged Papi's cat. He was the only male at the time and he was a survivor! He got in a lot of nasty cat fights. He got beat up, brusied, and sometimes bloodied but he was still victorious for he was the one at the front door the next day. He lived many cat years, fathered a many liters and was a true TomCat till his death. Papi I think really liked his cat.
Smoketta, another cat we all loved who mothered a kitten desentant for great glory. A three legged cross eyed cat named Staind. Poe was also part of the litter a black female. and 2 others who i can not recall.
my sisters have had cats. Jess had a deformed cat with one nut, named Piltred. (?) who eventually found his home with Julissa. And I, Oreo, sky & Diego. all who left me or i have left them. I wish I could have taken Diego but that cat was just a bad memory of my ex.
Some of my friends have cats now and than. I met most of their beloved cats. Tiffany has a kitty she adores. Jennifer H. had a big cat at her house. Jamie had a cat namd Yeyo at her mommas house. Caroline has a cat at her house who i have yet to pet cause he hides.
There was a lameass keg party i attended in college that i recall only one thing. When i sat on the couch bored and waiting to leave. I was greeted by a cat. He was great but he was an attention whore and i was eating it up for it had been awhile since i had pet a cat and he was so loving. the party went from lame to memorable just cause of that one cat. :)
Our LaPorte kittens. Frick & Frack, a brother and sister who kept us sane during our horrible stay in the asshole of Texas. The cats were at that perfect kitten stage where they love to play as well as be loved. They were great and are missed. we couldnt drive cross country with 2 cats and no carrier. *sad face*
George's cousins have cats. not just any cats, black cats. They are the first ones to tell me "we dont stop the cats forward motion." pssst what kind of bullshit is that! Yes cats are the kings of their land in their minds but we are their true masters, if i want to pet my cat i am gonna pick him up damnit! My husband and I are "those kids" lol
Yes I like cats. I am a cat person. And for the rest of my life i will at least always have one cat by my side. When the kids are all gone, when my hair is all white and when i am a little rounder and shorter, there will be a cat. An over fed cat cause if I die alone i dont want the cat to feast on me. haha morbid yes, but it happens!
I like cat stories sometimes. Bad ones like "ferrell cats make the best bait for shark fishing" is the best story i like to hear. Why cant they use stray dogs, damnit! How many cats have crossed your path?
My Aunts on my mother side they had cats. My Tia Rosy had several Siamese cats that graced our presence when we went to visit her. My Tia had the most memorable childhood cat, named Sylvester. A black and white neutered de-clawed mean male cat. That cat was a pissed off little bastard. i remember me and my sister fucking with him so he can swat at us. That cat was a harder hitter. lol But my aunt loved that cat and i could see she cared for him. He lived many cat years.
My uncle gave my sisters and I a cat he found in a tank. A tank that came into Fort Hood that at one point was used for the Dessert War when President Bush Sr. was in office. That cat was named Tanker. He came home with us and lived for several cat years, i think. His death I don't remember.
Little Country Trailor Park Ferrell cats hung out at our house. maybe cause we were poor and just fed them leftovers. we could let them starve, that is mean. But when they snuck in house Papi use to throw them out but at least they all landed on their feet. But the day we named them Papi could not say no to his three daughters with thier big brown eyes and their Olivares smiles! We had cats they were ours and now they have names. Tails, the orange male cat with a huge fluffy tail, was pegged Papi's cat. He was the only male at the time and he was a survivor! He got in a lot of nasty cat fights. He got beat up, brusied, and sometimes bloodied but he was still victorious for he was the one at the front door the next day. He lived many cat years, fathered a many liters and was a true TomCat till his death. Papi I think really liked his cat.
Smoketta, another cat we all loved who mothered a kitten desentant for great glory. A three legged cross eyed cat named Staind. Poe was also part of the litter a black female. and 2 others who i can not recall.
my sisters have had cats. Jess had a deformed cat with one nut, named Piltred. (?) who eventually found his home with Julissa. And I, Oreo, sky & Diego. all who left me or i have left them. I wish I could have taken Diego but that cat was just a bad memory of my ex.
Some of my friends have cats now and than. I met most of their beloved cats. Tiffany has a kitty she adores. Jennifer H. had a big cat at her house. Jamie had a cat namd Yeyo at her mommas house. Caroline has a cat at her house who i have yet to pet cause he hides.
There was a lameass keg party i attended in college that i recall only one thing. When i sat on the couch bored and waiting to leave. I was greeted by a cat. He was great but he was an attention whore and i was eating it up for it had been awhile since i had pet a cat and he was so loving. the party went from lame to memorable just cause of that one cat. :)
Our LaPorte kittens. Frick & Frack, a brother and sister who kept us sane during our horrible stay in the asshole of Texas. The cats were at that perfect kitten stage where they love to play as well as be loved. They were great and are missed. we couldnt drive cross country with 2 cats and no carrier. *sad face*
George's cousins have cats. not just any cats, black cats. They are the first ones to tell me "we dont stop the cats forward motion." pssst what kind of bullshit is that! Yes cats are the kings of their land in their minds but we are their true masters, if i want to pet my cat i am gonna pick him up damnit! My husband and I are "those kids" lol
Yes I like cats. I am a cat person. And for the rest of my life i will at least always have one cat by my side. When the kids are all gone, when my hair is all white and when i am a little rounder and shorter, there will be a cat. An over fed cat cause if I die alone i dont want the cat to feast on me. haha morbid yes, but it happens!
I like cat stories sometimes. Bad ones like "ferrell cats make the best bait for shark fishing" is the best story i like to hear. Why cant they use stray dogs, damnit! How many cats have crossed your path?
Monday, January 18, 2010
One Dark Car Ride
They were traveling at night. The music was on low, the wind was loud hollowing through the triangle side windows. The baby sound asleep in the back seat of the trucks extended cab. A daughter turns to her mother and says "Why do you hate my father so much, I think I am ready."
Maybe she wasn't ready because she can not remember what her mom said. She sensed her mother's hora change and fill the cab of the truck with warmth and making it uncomfortable. Her voice changed pitch her mouth moving but nothing was heard. She gripped the steering wheel harder turning her knuckles white. Her face was different, her expressions sometimes of anger and other times of great hurt and sadness. But when her voice got louder and her facial expression moved more towards of an unforgiving gaze. Her daughter said, "Okay, that's enough, I thought I was ready but I am not." She still can't remember what her mother said but non verbal communication spoke volumes. She just knew that, she missed mother for so many years. 'What if my mom was around more, what would be different?'
She wanted a relationship with her mother now. Her son was going to be one in a couple months and she wanted her son to have a Grandmother. And she needed a mother for she was one now. She would not bring up that memory again, in order to have a relationship with her mother.
Maybe she wasn't ready because she can not remember what her mom said. She sensed her mother's hora change and fill the cab of the truck with warmth and making it uncomfortable. Her voice changed pitch her mouth moving but nothing was heard. She gripped the steering wheel harder turning her knuckles white. Her face was different, her expressions sometimes of anger and other times of great hurt and sadness. But when her voice got louder and her facial expression moved more towards of an unforgiving gaze. Her daughter said, "Okay, that's enough, I thought I was ready but I am not." She still can't remember what her mother said but non verbal communication spoke volumes. She just knew that, she missed mother for so many years. 'What if my mom was around more, what would be different?'
She wanted a relationship with her mother now. Her son was going to be one in a couple months and she wanted her son to have a Grandmother. And she needed a mother for she was one now. She would not bring up that memory again, in order to have a relationship with her mother.
OK..I'll bite.
Okay, my friends have motivated me to keep up with my goals as well. Lisa and Tiffany have both started blogging to try to motive themselves and others. Well ladies it worked.
I want to be a writer one day and I am always thinking about writing but don't really sit down and write for anyone to read. Well that will change, now. I think I want to actually follow through with something and writing is a form of release for me.
I love to resist stories I have heard, whether they are good or bad. So this is my start. I am going to blog to bore everyone with my rants and raves too. lol
Right now, I am so far away from everyone that I love and miss and I think I am finally homesick. Don't get me wrong, I love it here. George's cousins are great and one of them has great potential to be considered a "BFF". But she is not mine! She is family to George. I don't have a "girlfriend" And damnit, I dont want to make a new one! I like the ones I have and picking a new friend is like picking a new family member. A friend is someone that wont judge you no matter what you are doing, someone that stands by you and cares for you.
I guess, I dont want to invest time in trying to make a friend that might later turn out to be a cunt that I dont want to ever talk to again. I mean honestly, I dont need the drama. So, I guess with that kind of attitude I am never gonna make a friend in El Paso. :)
Wish me luck on my new adventure for a new girlfriend. Hell, maybe I need to focus more on shit like getting a job, making money to pay the lawyer, and sucking my husband's dick more but i get lonely and a girlfriend would be cool to have.
Maybe my next blog will be more organized but today is the first day I have had a computer in front of me for more than 20 mins. I am eating it up, but I should be looking for jobs online not writing my first blog. he he
Good stuff huh....
I want to be a writer one day and I am always thinking about writing but don't really sit down and write for anyone to read. Well that will change, now. I think I want to actually follow through with something and writing is a form of release for me.
I love to resist stories I have heard, whether they are good or bad. So this is my start. I am going to blog to bore everyone with my rants and raves too. lol
Right now, I am so far away from everyone that I love and miss and I think I am finally homesick. Don't get me wrong, I love it here. George's cousins are great and one of them has great potential to be considered a "BFF". But she is not mine! She is family to George. I don't have a "girlfriend" And damnit, I dont want to make a new one! I like the ones I have and picking a new friend is like picking a new family member. A friend is someone that wont judge you no matter what you are doing, someone that stands by you and cares for you.
I guess, I dont want to invest time in trying to make a friend that might later turn out to be a cunt that I dont want to ever talk to again. I mean honestly, I dont need the drama. So, I guess with that kind of attitude I am never gonna make a friend in El Paso. :)
Wish me luck on my new adventure for a new girlfriend. Hell, maybe I need to focus more on shit like getting a job, making money to pay the lawyer, and sucking my husband's dick more but i get lonely and a girlfriend would be cool to have.
Maybe my next blog will be more organized but today is the first day I have had a computer in front of me for more than 20 mins. I am eating it up, but I should be looking for jobs online not writing my first blog. he he
Good stuff huh....
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